I wouldn’t
lie though. I did not intentionally write this essay for my blog. It is part of
my assignment for my College Writing class. Some of you might have known my story or read something similar before already but since this one is rather well written and polished, I’m sharing it here! Enjoy!
That Sunday Morning
The ringing of my alarm woke me up then I
cleaned up and prepared to go to church. I rushed down the stairs, grabbed two
pieces of bread, and walked inside the car. My parents were already inside the car,
reading the papers.
“What’s taking you so long? We’re late,”
Dad muttered as he lifted the brake and switched the gears of the car. I kept
quiet. He grumbled as he tried to speed up through the heavy rain on that
morning. Big raindrops on the car window blurred our view while puddles on the
road stopped the car from accelerating further. The absence of winter season in
Malaysia is typically replaced by higher frequency of rain when it’s near to
the year-end.
When
we arrived at church, I saw a man in a black suit. He was greeted by some of
the church leaders as they welcomed him and led him to the main sanctuary. I
didn’t recognize this guy and had never seen him at our church. I assumed that
he must be the preacher for that morning. I was still exhausted from playing
online game with friends the previous night, so I decided to not think so much
about it and walked up the stairs as I greeted some church people along the
way.
The liturgist
announced the start of the church service. It was just like any typical Sunday worship.
We sang hymns and read bible passages. I noticed that the man I saw earlier was
sitting in the front row. After the sermon passage was read, our pastor went up
and spoke through the microphone.
“It
is indeed to our delight and privilege to have Reverend Joel Siew with us today
as our speaker. Reverend Siew graduated with a Master of Divinity from Trinity
Theological School, Sibu, and went on to serve in churches in Australia and New
Zealand. He travels regularly around the world and has been to countries such
as Argentina, the United States and the United Kingdom to share the gospel. Let
us give him a round of applause as we welcome him on stage!” The man rose from
the front row and walked up the stage as the congregation showed their
appreciation. Apparently some people had heard of him.
In his message, he included his trademark song, the “Zero song.” He sang it in Chinese, but the message of the song is expressed in an analogy that everything we have in this world - such as fame, wealth, and reputation - is temporary and carries zero value. No matter what you do to zero – add, minus, multiply, or divide - it is still zero. Adding the number 1 in front of many zeros gives the whole digits of number an actual value. And that number “1” is and must be God.
Reverend Siew then
presented statistics about the Christian religion in recent years. It was
rather shocking to see the rapid growth of Islam and how it is taking over
Christianity as the number one religion in the world. I acknowledge that Muslims have that unmatched passion that
Christians don't possess to give all in to bring people into their religion.
Reverend Siew also pointed out that more and more Christians are being
converted to Muslims. We need more people in the fight.
“In recent years, we
have faced a great struggle. We are very short handed on the number of pastors
in European countries. There are simply not enough of them.” The moment he spoke these words, a vision
appeared in my mind. I saw myself standing on a platform, preaching to the people
below. The picture disappeared as soon as I saw it. I was at a loss for words
and momentarily stunned.
As soon as I got home,
I called my youth pastor and also texted my church pastor about what happened. “Continue
to pray, Paul. Seek God for His confirmation and may the Lord reveal His will
to you.” The first thing that came to my mind is the realization that choosing
this path means sacrificing my dreams. I have always had a passion for programming
and software writing, I also had the idea that I could make a lot of money with
this job, especially in this technology-age.
Our house door was
slammed shut by the strong wind as dad walked in with his briefcase. I knew
what was coming if I told him about my experience, but either way I’ll have to
tell him sooner or later. I approached him and told him everything, with a
serious tone noting that I was taking this path into consideration. Dad did not
interrupt and sat down at the couch opposite of me as he listened in. An
awkward moment of silence filled the room as soon as I finished.
“Son, you’re too
young for that.” Told you it was coming. Being the head of the family, I knew he
has always had high hopes for me. Compared to my siblings, I am really blessed
because my dad had already become a Christian when I was born. He spent the
most time with me, gave the best he could and invested most in me. To him,
going into full time ministry as a pastor just doesn’t seem the best way of
living life. Both of my parents wanted me to go to a secular college, work for
a couple of years, then consider responding to God’s calling. I couldn’t even
make a decision, so I just continued to pray and waited patiently.
A few months later, I
had a unique experience with a pastor who teaches at one of the top theological
schools in Malaysia. It was during a three-day conference, where he shared on
Colossians 1:28, speaking about the proclaiming Christ to the world. His sermon
reminded of what I heard on that particular Sunday morning, that worldly
possessions are all temporary and only with God things are made to have eternal
value. I stayed back after the first night and asked him, “Pastor, how can I be
sure of God’s will?” His answer is best summarized in this way, “It has to be both
subjective and objective. God will first place a strong passion for what He has
called you to into your heart, then affirm that calling through people around
you.”
I went back to my
room and thought about it. I realize that my passion for Christ cannot be delayed
and I have to go into full-time ministry right now, right after I finish high
school. I am desperate to dedicate my life for the works of the Gospel and
expansion of God’s kingdom. Strong passion? Check. I quieted my heart and
looked back at how things were going the past few months. I realized that God
seems to have slowly worked His way in my parent’s heart, that they seem more
willing to accept and support me on this path. As for the affirmation of God’s
calling through people around me? Semi-check? I felt like God had already given
me enough proof. Hence, without informing my parents on the decision, on the
third night, I responded to God’s calling. I walked up front and committed
myself to Him before the cross and before everyone who attended the seminar.
A few nights later,
my parents called me in for a discussion. They felt like it was about time for
us to discuss on my future. I didn’t have much appetite for dinner. As the
clock showed five-minutes to nine, I felt intensely overwhelmed by fear. What
if my parents insisted on stopping me? There was no way I could go to college
without their support. I thought of all kind of solution. Perhaps I could try
applying for a study loan. Worse come to worse, I would just have to force
myself to survive in a secular school for four years. I told myself that all of
the endurance would pay off when I get my Master of Divinity’s degree in maybe,
seven years later?
“Hey mom? Are you
in?” I asked as I knocked on their door nervously. That moment, I felt like
even the best cardio-measuring device in the world could not comprehend the
measurement of my heartbeat. “Yes dear, please enter.” I opened the door and
walked in. It was as if my heart was carrying a forty-pound weight. The only
thing I could hear was the buzzing of the ceiling lights, the tense atmosphere
made worse by the silence. I pulled a chair and sat across them. We glanced at
each other for a while. The suspense and pressure literally killed me. Finally,
my dad spoke. “So, which Bible school are you looking to apply for?”
As I look back at how
God has led me through this path and brought me here to Moody Bible Institute,
I am reminded that God’s provision is more than sufficient. The challenges and
obstacles I am facing now may seem rough, but my Father knows my limits, and He
will never let me bear a cross that is too heavy for me. Today’s sufferings are
to prepare me for tomorrow’s blessings. Just keep in mind to focus, work hard and
trust God’s perfect time and plan. That Sunday morning, my life was redefined.
