蜕变

我深爱的晋光堂和弟兄姐妹，Shalom！感谢上帝的带领和大家的代祷，孩子在这里顺利度过了一星期的 Orientation（新生活动），新学期将在下星期一（8月25日）开始。在此与您们分享自己在这里的经历和神如何透过所发生的事情向我说话。

第一个挑战莫过于时差。前面几个晚上笔者几乎没什么休息；深夜一两点一定会醒来，之后就无法再入睡，或每半个小时醒来一次。接下来是学习放下在家乡的人事物，预备心迎接这里的新生活。坐了 20小时的飞机跨文化来到这地方，身边没有家人朋友或任何依靠，真的不简单。一开始我会封闭自己，根本无法完全敞开心思地去参加 International Students Fellowship （ISF，国际学生团契）所预备的一系列节目和活动。

就当我开始在 ISF 认识一些朋友和融入他们后，美国的一年级学生来了。原本学院只有 60位国际学生但是忽然来了 400多位新生，实在是很大的差别。除了吃饭需要排长龙、需要走楼梯（电梯不够位子）之外，最大的挣扎就是跟美国人相处。至少在 ISF 里，大家生活的方式和文化相似，比较保守和婉转。美国人性格比较开放和直接，在许多层面上需要一些调整与适应来跟他们共同在一个团体里面生活。

在这一切的背后，我感受到的是神真的很爱我；祂为我安排了许多天使在我身边。虽然因为时差的关系造成一些不便，但是家乡的家人、朋友和牧者都在这整个过程里给了我许多鼓励和提醒和开导并帮助我度过每一个难关。上帝也让我看见这几个月来自己对神的话语渐渐冷淡，灵修生活敷衍，因此在面对挑战时更容易跌倒或对祂失去盼望。

人生其中一个最大的部分，不就是调整自己和适应新的生活吗？一个小孩适应上学的生活、一个高材生经历社会的现实、单身者面对拥有家庭的负担、打工者尝试自己做生意、一个人失去他的工作、身边家人或朋友离开的痛苦等等，我们都不断地要去面对生命中一些如意，甚至不如意的事情所带来的改变。人都喜欢安定于现状或者期望一帆风顺，因此挫折和考验往往使人对神失去信心。

第一、谦卑学习。每件事情的发生都有上帝要我们经历或学习的功课；很常时候我们只看到眼前的苦难，而察觉不到背后的祝福。虽然现在看起来非常痛苦，但是这些其实都是一幅幅的拼图，最终它们将构成一幅完美的图画！弟兄们，想想过去您追求贵夫人时，难道没有经历过心情低落，情绪崩溃吗？但是最终你还是得到了她！告诉自己，今日的受苦是为了迎接明日的祝福！

第二、与神亲近。确实，当一个人处于水深火热的情况中，要他去操练跟神亲密的关系不是一件简单的事。但是当你越离开上帝，越想要靠着自己的能力来克服眼前的难关，你就越容易失败！这不是在说一个与神亲近的人凡事亨通顺利；每个人都会跌倒，但是一个与神亲近的人在跌倒后能更容易和更快地站起来！因他不只是知识上知道，而是确确实实地相信，在他背后的主比他眼前所看见的这道墙更强大！

毛毛虫在变成蝴蝶之前要先成蛹，在里面经历历练后才能蜕变成漂亮的蝴蝶。孩子知道，在神学院的日子并非天堂，未来还会有许多考验和不如意的事情发生。但是最重要的是，笔者知道神都在透过所发生，还有即将发生的事拆毁我，撕裂我。上帝要除去我里面一切不好的行为和品格，再次用祂的双手建立一个新的，一个更贴近基督样式的我。过后祂还会再打碎、再建立，直到我见主面的日子祂将称我为那忠心又良善的仆人。除此之外，神也应许过我们，祂所让我们背负的十架与重担，绝对不会超乎我们所能够承担的！因此我诚心盼望和祝福大家，一起抱着这样的应许，存积极的态度去过每天的生活吧！

FYT vs ISF?

I'm actually in this FYT program (First Year Transition) where they pick like 20-25 freshmen out of 400 and put them in 3 different cohorts each. The aim is to make us bond so that we will find the transition progress smooth and we will have a group of people to gather and interact with.

So while other freshmen went for regular orientation sessions, FYT students had our own and they invited juniors/seniors that benefited from FYT to come and share their experience. One of them said FYT helped her to feel like she belong here and she told us soon from now we'll be sitting with everyone in our cohort during meals. From there on we split into three different cohorts and had an ice breaking session where we introduce ourselves and get to know one another.

The thing is, after being with the International Students Fellowship (ISF) people ever since I got here, ISF is where I actually feel like home. So we international students were sitting together during lunch and it's like there's this formidable gap between Americans and us right now. Everyone's saying we're grateful for ISF and feel really blessed to be in it. Meanwhile, our seniors in ISF were telling us, "Ahh, soon you'll either get a girlfriend, get married before I graduate, or break up, come back to us and be like 'why did I ever leave this group!' Because that's how it usually works." A rather interesting statement indeed. Fits right in with the nickname of Moody BRIDAL Institute.

Well, who knows? Things might change, I might really leave ISF table for any reason possible. For now, since I don't have a girlfriend (at least I don't plan to), and I'm really not that close with my FYT cohort people yet, I guess I'll stick with ISF people and hangout with them during meals. Lets just see how it goes!

School's starting!

UPDATE: I have not landed a job, YET.

So with all the American freshmen moving in today it really seems like school's gonna start very soon. Went to a talk on how to maintain F-1 status in U.S. and now I understand why foreigners who come to study here don't go back to their country as often as they would like to. Countries like Africa might issue just a 3-month F-1 VISA, and you can stay legal in the States even with an expired VISA. Thus if you choose to go back to your country during winter/summer breaks, you'll have to renew your expired VISA costing you lots of money. I'm rather fortunate that Malaysia gave me a 5-year VISA so I don't have that problem.

Anywaysss, afternoon was good as I went to open a bank account at Chase Bank just a few blocks away from school and finally had the opportunity to take an afternoon nap! Oh ya one of my roommates moved in already and his parents said I could actually go to his place to stay over during breaks if I don't plan to return home, which is pretty cool I guess? Hahaha.

Dr. Paul Nyiquist, President of MBI gave us a rather inspiring speech tonight at Dedication Service. He gave us 3As in fact,
A - Accident, that we're not here by accident rather God's divine plan for us. The number of applicants this year is overwhelming but here are we, at Moody Bible Institute.
A - Accountable, that God will hold us accountable for what He has given us. Just like the story in Luke 19, our Lord has blessed us with opportunity to study here and we should work hard to do our best during our time here.
A - Authentic, that we should be real and not be like "wow I'm in this community and I have to force myself to go all holy and flawless", rather learn and accept one another.

Capped off the day by walking to Navy Pier with ISF and watched a 10-minute fireworks display there. Beautiful scene and today was just awesome. Can't wait for school to start!

Adjustments

Had a tough night last night. There were just so many questions and uncertainties and so much stuff stuck in my brain. Thankfully God sent angels around me who gave me advices and comforted me. Helped me to let go certain things and focus on what's more important ahead. Definitely felt better going into Day 3 of Orientation.

Okay so now it's just like half way into the day (lunch time), so it's not gonna cover everything in the day (unless I edit this post later on). Anyway, in the morning we had some lectures and talks about employment, particularly on-campus jobs and also differences in culture between America and other countries and how to adjust and adapt.

I am just so passionate right now about getting a job on campus. It's not as easy because you've got so many people looking for an on-campus job but there's only so little jobs available. Also you have to write a resume (in which I am not writing because of certain reasons) and go through interview, which is later on in the afternoon to get a job.

Also learning about American culture kinda make me like anxious to meet more Americans (so far there's only international students on campus, at least majority) and discover their traits. Am looking forward to be changed by them but also not lose my identity as in the culture and habits from where I come from. I really hope school starts soon because I can see a very exciting year ahead!

It was a fun and wonderful morning and I guess all these stuff fired up the passion in me to really enjoy my life here in Moody and it also helped me to like move on from the things that were troubling me. It's just amazing how God works and pull you up from a tough situation even when it looks like there's no hope anymore. I am pretty pumped up and excited right now so pray for me to land a suitable job and most importantly, for the Lord's will to be done, not my will! Will post an update if I am hired so see you all soon!!!

Orientation Day 1

Previously this blog is all meant for my testimonials and biblical stuff but I guess from now on I'm gonna mix it up with records of my life at Moody Bible Institute, Chicago.

So... in case some of you don't know, I'm a freshmen and also an international student at Moody. Today we had our first day of orientation and I'm gonna share my experience!

Orientation actually begins only at 3 p.m. so I woke up around 6 in the morning? (Was probably jet lagging) Got myself cleaned up and dressed up as I head to Walmart to buy some food that I need.  After navigating around I finally reached there and whoa, my first impression of it is that it has so many things and awesome food! The price is not that expensive also (if you don't do the conversion from USD that is), bought a tuna sandwich and some groceries.

Reached my dorm around 9 a.m. and it's like 10 p.m. in Malaysia so I was hanging out and whatsapp-ing all my friends in Malaysia. After that I slept from like 11 to 2.45 p.m.? I didn't intentionally set an alarm even though there's an activity at 3 in the afternoon cause I was thinking I probably won't sleep that long but whoa, God woke me up right on time!

So we had campus tour, walked around the school, chatted with a few people and got to know them a little, pretty ordinary experience. I guess I still can't really let go of certain things at my hometown, that's why I'm not entirely happy or enjoying myself but no worries! Am changing and adapting.

Ate chicken with brown rice and also a pie at 5? (it's really kinda early for dinner). Got to know someone from Canada and also two of the MKs (missionary kids) from Germany and the other one is China and Canada? (MKs have mixed nationalities and culture due to the difference in where they're born and where they grew up). Chat for a lot and they gave us some advice on time management, tips on getting an on-campus job, different cultures and also, not to get into a relationship at least during the first semester of freshmen year.

Oh ya speaking of relationships! Did you know that some people call this place Moody Bridal Institute (instead of BIBLE institute), because most people who met here, even though from different country and cultures, end up getting together and married. Anyway haha the other guy was saying dating in Chicago is very expensive and he said we better not get into it so soon, at least until we've adapted and got used to the environment and school life, say second semester or sophomore year.

The most fun part of the day was this Informal Fellowship at night! We played games for basically an hour, got to know LOTS of people, worship Jesus for like 10 minutes and prayed in a prayer group for like another 15-20 minutes. It's really fun and awesome and amazing at the same time how the love of Christ has brought us here, and we're here to study God and learn more about Him, to be more like Him. I'm starting to get myself into the community here and it's just wonderful.

After that we had ice cream (treated by the International Students Office), and hanged out at the Plaza. Americans are soooo passionate about football (they call it soccer), they can just kick it indoor or outdoors or basically anywhere possible. This guy whom I met earlier in the day called Micah, he's an American but also a MK, doing the same major as me, same duration (5 years), and he's all passionate about basketball too! He said we could train together and I seriously can't wait for that and also for training camp in October to begin. Awesome stuff coming up!

On a side note it seems like there are many couples here in school and they're just dating all over the place. Sigh all the fine looking girls seem to be taken too :(

That's all for today! I just feel so blessed to be here. We're going Moody Church tomorrow, according to what I heard it seems like they have a congregation size of 2000-3000 members so am definitely looking forward to it. Goodnight everyone!

6/8 灵修心得

神藉先知何西阿的婚姻显示出爱的真义：
在对方有不可爱的时候仍去爱她；
对方有不可爱的地方仍接纳她，无条件地饶恕她；
对方闯祸时付代价解困；
随时付出去满足对方的需要而不求回报。

容易做到吗？绝对不容易！但到底怎样才可做到？圣经说：“基督为我们舍命，我们从此便知道何为爱，我们也当为弟兄舍命！“ 学习饶恕那些你心中还未能饶恕的人，主必帮助你成长！（何1-3）

个人献身见证与分享

牧师、传道、教会领袖，主内长辈弟兄姐妹，主里平安！

“太年轻”、“社会经验不足”，“经不起考验”。或多或少，一般人对于一个17岁就打算献身的小孩都会有这般的怀疑。

2012年，由于交通不方便，孩子在团契后一般上都是跟声忠牧师的车回家。记得牧师很常在路途上告诉我说：“诚赞，以后要献身做牧师哦～”。当时的我虽然口头上回答说：“好啊，会考虑，会考虑“，但是心里其实一直都坚持着自己的理想，想要去读电脑和科技学，心想在科技越来越发达的时代，读这个一定能赚大钱。至于当传道人，一直以来都没有认真考虑过，就算真的要的话也不是9号毕业后就直接去念。

有一次，晋光堂邀请到“零零歌”的创作人 —— 萧招和牧师在主日崇拜证道。在他的信息里，牧师提到“欧洲国家极度缺乏牧者和传道人”。这看似普通的一句话，我听到的时候却看见了一副图画 —— 在一片沙漠里，自己站在一个平台上，底下有许多的人在听我证道。当下的我真的不知所措也感到很震惊。回到家后就马上发信息通知俊杰牧师和声忠牧师，他们鼓励我祷告求上帝赐予印证，同时预备好自己的心。两个星期后，神在我的梦中再次向我显现，同样的图画出现在我梦中。

去年6月，我参加了年会少团在诗巫所举办的代表大会。孩子在那里有幸与主题讲员，刘世尧牧师接触并且问了他许多的问题。牧师告诉我说：“主观蒙召，客观印证”。主观蒙召就是自己有意全时间服事上帝，客观印证就是上帝透过身边的人的鼓励、推荐或支持来向你肯定祂对你的呼召。确实，从2012年看见异象到参加这个营会差不多一年的时间里，在恒切祷告后，看见自己对兴旺福音更加有委身，更是看见原本反对我献身的父母逐渐转向支持我一生摆上为主使用。也是在那营会里，我肯定地走上台回应神的呼召，在主面前立志献上自己，终生引人归主。

在过滤了各神学院的要求后，孩子选择了沙巴神学院，因为只有沙巴神学院有英文的神学学士课程（符合在欧洲国家服事的使命），而且愿意录取刚从 9号毕业的学生。谁也没想到，沙巴神学院的夏忠就牧师认识我的母亲。于是在他的鼓励和推荐下，我前往槟城考了国际英文考试 TOEFL，写了4篇个人生命见证篇，让声忠牧师和教会领袖，李国华执事和陈绍维荣誉执事填写推荐信后交上给美国芝加哥的慕迪神学院，申请入学。托大家的代祷与关心，所有的文件在时间内顺利抵达学院，我也成功被慕迪录取了。

在这里我要特别向一些人致谢。首先是我的父母亲，谢谢他们一路来的支持和栽培，让我从小在知识、语言掌控、实际事奉经验，待人处事和各方面上都得到学习与成长。这包括给予我上等的教育，支持我参与教会活动和服事，不断地鼓励我和帮助我等等。接下来是声忠牧师，感谢他不放弃地呼吁我献身。我不知道他有没有听出我很多时候只是敷衍地回答他，但他不断的鼓励让我从敷衍的态度走到今天真正踏上献身之路。俊杰牧师，虽然他今天不会在场，但是我觉得一句谢谢实在不足以表达孩子对他的谢意。当我遇到一些圣经知识方面的问题、或者在个人事奉中收到批评和打击，甚至是个人感情或待人处事方面遇到问题时，我都会打电话给他，他每次都尽能力扶持我，鼓励我和帮助我。

最后，我要谢谢晋光堂各位弟兄姐妹的支持。虽然一些人我都叫不出你们的名字，你们都让我从各方面感受到教会的爱与关心。其中包括鼓励我在次序单后面所写的文章、无私地教导和塑造我个人的生命与灵命素质、坦率直接地告诉我自己事奉的不足和需要学习的地方等等，当然也不忘记大家在整个过程中的问候与代祷。我更要谢谢少团，若不是少团在过去8年来不断地教导我，装备我，给我服事和学习的机会，我相信今天我也不会走上献身之路。曾经，甚至是现在还在少团服事的教会长辈和弟兄姐妹，谢谢你们！孩子想要告诉大家，无论你现在在教会参与什么样的服事，委身和用心地去做吧！一个小小的关心和问候也能带来很大的改变。执事职员，主日学老师，甚至是普通会友也好，我相信正如大家如何培育了我，你现在所做的一切一切，都很有可能在间接栽培一个传道人！

到了美国，孩子仍然会在祷告中纪念大家和教会一切的需要。虽然很遗憾自己无法参与50周年庆典，但是我相信神的时间和旨意最美好。希望大家也能在祷告中纪念我在那里的学业和生活，适应美国的文化和生活环境，与同学和朋友之间的关系等等。虽然我们在不同的地方，我相信主必用这里的每一个人，包括你和我，为主共同扩展上帝国度，引人归主！晋光堂，我爱你！愿神继续引领和看顾大家往后的需要，也继续赐福你们的学业、工作、家庭和服事。但愿我们在主里，一切为福音共同努力！谢谢。