That Sunday Morning

I wouldn’t lie though. I did not intentionally write this essay for my blog. It is part of my assignment for my College Writing class. Some of you might have known my story or read something similar before already but since this one is rather well written and polished, I’m sharing it here! Enjoy!

                              That Sunday Morning

The ringing of my alarm woke me up then I cleaned up and prepared to go to church. I rushed down the stairs, grabbed two pieces of bread, and walked inside the car. My parents were already inside the car, reading the papers.

“What’s taking you so long? We’re late,” Dad muttered as he lifted the brake and switched the gears of the car. I kept quiet. He grumbled as he tried to speed up through the heavy rain on that morning. Big raindrops on the car window blurred our view while puddles on the road stopped the car from accelerating further. The absence of winter season in Malaysia is typically replaced by higher frequency of rain when it’s near to the year-end.

When we arrived at church, I saw a man in a black suit. He was greeted by some of the church leaders as they welcomed him and led him to the main sanctuary. I didn’t recognize this guy and had never seen him at our church. I assumed that he must be the preacher for that morning. I was still exhausted from playing online game with friends the previous night, so I decided to not think so much about it and walked up the stairs as I greeted some church people along the way.

The liturgist announced the start of the church service. It was just like any typical Sunday worship. We sang hymns and read bible passages. I noticed that the man I saw earlier was sitting in the front row. After the sermon passage was read, our pastor went up and spoke through the microphone.

“It is indeed to our delight and privilege to have Reverend Joel Siew with us today as our speaker. Reverend Siew graduated with a Master of Divinity from Trinity Theological School, Sibu, and went on to serve in churches in Australia and New Zealand. He travels regularly around the world and has been to countries such as Argentina, the United States and the United Kingdom to share the gospel. Let us give him a round of applause as we welcome him on stage!” The man rose from the front row and walked up the stage as the congregation showed their appreciation. Apparently some people had heard of him.

In his message, he included his trademark song, the “Zero song.” He sang it in Chinese, but the message of the song is expressed in an analogy that everything we have in this world - such as fame, wealth, and reputation - is temporary and carries zero value. No matter what you do to zero – add, minus, multiply, or divide - it is still zero. Adding the number 1 in front of many zeros gives the whole digits of number an actual value. And that number “1” is and must be God.

Reverend Siew then presented statistics about the Christian religion in recent years. It was rather shocking to see the rapid growth of Islam and how it is taking over Christianity as the number one religion in the world. I acknowledge that Muslims have that unmatched passion that Christians don't possess to give all in to bring people into their religion. Reverend Siew also pointed out that more and more Christians are being converted to Muslims. We need more people in the fight.

“In recent years, we have faced a great struggle. We are very short handed on the number of pastors in European countries. There are simply not enough of them.”  The moment he spoke these words, a vision appeared in my mind. I saw myself standing on a platform, preaching to the people below. The picture disappeared as soon as I saw it. I was at a loss for words and momentarily stunned.

As soon as I got home, I called my youth pastor and also texted my church pastor about what happened. “Continue to pray, Paul. Seek God for His confirmation and may the Lord reveal His will to you.” The first thing that came to my mind is the realization that choosing this path means sacrificing my dreams. I have always had a passion for programming and software writing, I also had the idea that I could make a lot of money with this job, especially in this technology-age.

Our house door was slammed shut by the strong wind as dad walked in with his briefcase. I knew what was coming if I told him about my experience, but either way I’ll have to tell him sooner or later. I approached him and told him everything, with a serious tone noting that I was taking this path into consideration. Dad did not interrupt and sat down at the couch opposite of me as he listened in. An awkward moment of silence filled the room as soon as I finished.

“Son, you’re too young for that.” Told you it was coming. Being the head of the family, I knew he has always had high hopes for me. Compared to my siblings, I am really blessed because my dad had already become a Christian when I was born. He spent the most time with me, gave the best he could and invested most in me. To him, going into full time ministry as a pastor just doesn’t seem the best way of living life. Both of my parents wanted me to go to a secular college, work for a couple of years, then consider responding to God’s calling. I couldn’t even make a decision, so I just continued to pray and waited patiently.

A few months later, I had a unique experience with a pastor who teaches at one of the top theological schools in Malaysia. It was during a three-day conference, where he shared on Colossians 1:28, speaking about the proclaiming Christ to the world. His sermon reminded of what I heard on that particular Sunday morning, that worldly possessions are all temporary and only with God things are made to have eternal value. I stayed back after the first night and asked him, “Pastor, how can I be sure of God’s will?” His answer is best summarized in this way, “It has to be both subjective and objective. God will first place a strong passion for what He has called you to into your heart, then affirm that calling through people around you.”

I went back to my room and thought about it. I realize that my passion for Christ cannot be delayed and I have to go into full-time ministry right now, right after I finish high school. I am desperate to dedicate my life for the works of the Gospel and expansion of God’s kingdom. Strong passion? Check. I quieted my heart and looked back at how things were going the past few months. I realized that God seems to have slowly worked His way in my parent’s heart, that they seem more willing to accept and support me on this path. As for the affirmation of God’s calling through people around me? Semi-check? I felt like God had already given me enough proof. Hence, without informing my parents on the decision, on the third night, I responded to God’s calling. I walked up front and committed myself to Him before the cross and before everyone who attended the seminar.

A few nights later, my parents called me in for a discussion. They felt like it was about time for us to discuss on my future. I didn’t have much appetite for dinner. As the clock showed five-minutes to nine, I felt intensely overwhelmed by fear. What if my parents insisted on stopping me? There was no way I could go to college without their support. I thought of all kind of solution. Perhaps I could try applying for a study loan. Worse come to worse, I would just have to force myself to survive in a secular school for four years. I told myself that all of the endurance would pay off when I get my Master of Divinity’s degree in maybe, seven years later?

“Hey mom? Are you in?” I asked as I knocked on their door nervously. That moment, I felt like even the best cardio-measuring device in the world could not comprehend the measurement of my heartbeat. “Yes dear, please enter.” I opened the door and walked in. It was as if my heart was carrying a forty-pound weight. The only thing I could hear was the buzzing of the ceiling lights, the tense atmosphere made worse by the silence. I pulled a chair and sat across them. We glanced at each other for a while. The suspense and pressure literally killed me. Finally, my dad spoke. “So, which Bible school are you looking to apply for?”

As I look back at how God has led me through this path and brought me here to Moody Bible Institute, I am reminded that God’s provision is more than sufficient. The challenges and obstacles I am facing now may seem rough, but my Father knows my limits, and He will never let me bear a cross that is too heavy for me. Today’s sufferings are to prepare me for tomorrow’s blessings. Just keep in mind to focus, work hard and trust God’s perfect time and plan. That Sunday morning, my life was redefined.